Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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