my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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