I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
