peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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