Only a mothe r could love this liver
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
