foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
