We're like a lot better than the average bears
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
