South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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