i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
