community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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