dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
