Fine. I'll sleep in my office
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
