I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
