Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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