he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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