Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
