I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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