So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
