Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
