just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
