Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
