am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
