Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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