If i come over, it means nothing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
