Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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