I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
