He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
