listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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