It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
