I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
