For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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