Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
