I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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