I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
