12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
