Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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