I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
