omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
