we have pet lesbian snakes
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
