My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
