Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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