So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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