We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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