if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
