Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
