She's JV to your varsity
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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