You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
