We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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