laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
