i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
